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From Her Own World, Far Away
I am a unique individual stuck in a world filled with mostly followers. I like to stand out of the crowd! I hate being critizied or stared at. I am one of the most self concious pesimistic people you will ever met. I express myself through painting, drawing and writing. I just want to find a place where I fit in and don't have to hide or keep to myself. I am waiting to be set free...

June 12, 2009

Overwhelming Thinking


Recently I have been dealing with a whole shit load of unnecessary drama. It's really seeming to affect me. I can't stop thinking about it and how it won't stop. BS freaked out at me because I told her that she deserved to be loved (something she isn't getting from CG). I'm pretty positive that it's just because I am the only person who hasn't told her what she wants to hear. I am the only person who has a shred of decency to tell her the truth. She knows he doesn't love her and all he does is hurt her but she doesn't seem to want to actually believe it. She just doesn't want to move on because she knows that will be harder than being with the one you love even though he will never love you. All I was doing was trying to help, all I ever do is try to help. Now she is going around at O'Neil (where a fair share of my friends attend) telling everyone my secrets and shouting horrible comments about me. I can't seem to get away from it especially when her bf does it as well. They are wrecking everything. I just wish people would grow up I mean we are in HIGH SCHOOL not elementary school, deal with your problems productively not like a child.

The sad thing is that I called my mom to take care of it in which she didn't seem to accomplish very well. All it did was dull things a bit and cause raging voice mails on my cell phone. I seem to actually miss my mom at some points. It's just she understands me more than my dad since I seem to be quite like her. But then I remember all of the terrible things she said and did to me. I then begin to resent her again. It's just so hard not to like her at times. When I went to visit her to get a bite to eat at a restaurant she is currently working at, she is just so cunning. She manipulates everyone else in the room to make her seem like the one to love. It's just she's convinced herself that her lies are the truths. She is delisional. I don't know how she does it but I have to learn to shake it off or else I start to hear my mind trail off about how I should move back in with her. NO. That is the worst thing for me now. I love my dad, he has been one of the best things that has happened to me this year. I just wish I could establish some sort of a relationship with her, I mean no matter what she is my mother.

My thinking is just causing me even more confusion.

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